He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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