Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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