drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
