And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
