Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
