I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
