We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
