If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
