Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
