Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
