You made me cry and you don't even care
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
