I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
