Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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