I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
