I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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