tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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