So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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