You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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