You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
