if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
