cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
