i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
