Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
