Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
