I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
