Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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