She said her name was "party"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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