Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
