if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
