he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
