would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
