Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
