Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
