my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
