I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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