I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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