I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
