there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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