I'd wear matching sweaters with you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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