The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
