I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
