Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
