can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
