there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
