i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
