I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
