so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
