You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
