When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
