He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
