see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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