Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
