I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm getting married
To pizza
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
