I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i believe in u and ur pee
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
